In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey.
What’s in your head…
In your head…
Zombie, zombie, zombie?

– The Cranberries, “Zombie”

It’s been a long time since I had heard this song, but ever since I have, it’s been stuck in my head. The original sentiment may have been an anti-war one, but it seems fitting for me, at this moment, while I’m trying to make sense of up and down, left and right, and where I’m going.

I have quite literally felt like a zombie these past few weeks.

The holidays are seldom a happy time for me, especially as the years pass and I feel like I’ve become more and more distant from those I care about. But this holiday in particular has been especially rough, mainly because once again I find myself wondering where I’m going, and facing a new year trying to figure out what I want to do with myself and where I want to go.

Mid-life crisis? Not really. It’s the same thing I’ve been trying to figure out for a long time.

As a kid, you are asked fairly often what you want to be when you grow up. And then you grow up. What happens when you still don’t know what you want to be? In so many ways I still just feel like a kid. I’ve always been much better at making the best of a situation instead of making a situation the best for me.

I think in a lot of ways it’s just time for me to grow up.

So… for the few of you that actually read this… I do hope your holidays were good, and that you were able to find a little joy in between what is generally one of the most hectic and frazzling times of year. I know I’m a rather reticent individual these days, but if you are here reading this, chances are you are very much in my thoughts.

It’s a New Year, and time to make new starts and set new goals.

I’ll try not to be stranger. 😉